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02/02/2006: "Learning To Focus"

In less than two weeks, I will be leaving Humboldt County and moving back to Los Angeles. Despite all the stuff that has happened to me up here, it has only made me stronger. I have rediscovered my long-ignored spiritual side and it is giving me strength and focus. I came up here to figure out what I wanted to do and it turns out it was what I had been doing before- film. I have been writing about the "Athenaverse" characters, and I have a script in the pipeline based on my experiences working night crew.

I considered going back to LA when things went awry with Laura, but it felt like I was running away from something, so I decided to stay up here and make a stand. I wanted to sort myself out and start a new life. But something was never quite right, which I chalked up to relationship ending fallout and the stress of being literally nickel and dimed by two low-paying jobs. I stayed around here and made an honest effort to become a citizen of the Humboldt Nation, but then last week when I couldn't sleep due to overwork and a prescient cockatoo, I realized I was trying to be something I'm not. I'm not a student, a hippie, or a local. Still, I could have made a place for myself around here.

Or, I could go back to Los Angeles. I'll never have a better chance to do this.