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03/17/2005: "Touching My Toes For The First Time All Over Again"

Music: none
Mood: meditative

In December 2004, I had the flu. Since then, I have tried to cut down on the amount of food I eat and the rate at which I ingest it. I have also tried to eat a better variety of foods, including cutting down on red meat and eating more fruits and vegetables. I have also cut down my drinking to the point where I might go a week or more without having one. I had always wanted to change my eating habits, but it never really happened for me until now.

Four months later, I am less that 200 pounds for the first time in perhaps 10 years. As a result, I have shrunk 4 pants and shirt sizes. I now use a medium belt and wear large t- shirts. I would estimate that at least 80% of the clothing I own is now too big for me. I had to go shopping yesterday and buy jeans and casual shirts that actually fit. I have not worn a pair of jeans of this size since I was 13.

Despite all of this, I still have the tendency to look in the mirror and think to myself that I am still fat. It is an automatic shaming reflex developed by years of poor mental conditioning. If I do see a difference, I automatically refocus on another area that I can find disapproval with such as my hairline instead of seeing the positive gains I have made.

Laura suggested to me the other day that I have lost so much weight that if I start exercising again right now, I will get toned by the time the weight loss is complete. This morning, I was wearing my new jeans and polo shirt while watching my new Doctor Who DVD when I noticed the pair of 10- pound weights that I bought but have hardly used. I started doing some simple curls, then some situps when it occured to me that I should touch my toes. I leaned forward and- well, I just touched them! This one simple act conveyed more information about how far I have come than anything ever has. I have always been able to touch them, but not without great effort, exertion, and stretching of my arms to their fullest. This morning, all I did was lean over. The spare tire that I had been carrying for so long, that I had always wanted to get rid of but seemingly never could was no longer impeding my movement as it had for so many years.

Talk about a happy Saint Patrick's Day! smile

PS- I have also noticed that I have a blog, but nobody ever reads it. Do I not want anyone to read it? How can anyone read it if so few people know it even exists? Perhaps I should try and put it on some feeds or something like that. But then I would have to update it regularly...why don't I now? I think on some level I automatically censor what I write about. The Athenaverse is my so- called ampthitheatre but I hardly ever get on the stage.


on Friday, March 18th, awiggins said:

Well you have an audience of at least one. Good to hear about the new illness induced diet. Maybe it is the next big thing.

“I am on that new Bubonic Plague Diet. I have lost like thirty pounds!”

“It really shows dear, and what lovely buboes you have!”

I think the weight you are loosing I am picking up. Thanks Santo! wink

on Friday, March 18th, santo26 said:

Well, I wouldn't wish anyone to get the flu or any other illness but it gave me an opportunity to reset how much and what I eat. I never saw the financial possibilities of my experience until now.

Perhaps we should start an "illness spa/ vomitorium" and charge socialites thousands of dollars to be exposed to the influenza virus. It might be just what our Fall of the Roman Empire- era needs. 8)

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